This was what I wanted to effect. I did not propose to let her off any single one of the indignities I had in store for her, but I wanted to make her suffering the more keen through the feeling that she was, to some extent, a consenting party to actions that inexpressibly shocked and revolted her. The first of these I intended to be the removal of her clothes, and, as soon as Alice became more mistress of herself, I set the pulleys working and soon had her again standing erect with up-stretched arms.She glanced fearfully at me as if trying to learn what was now going to happen to her. I deemed it as well to tell her, and to afford her an opportunity of yielding herself to me, if she should be willing to do so. I also wanted to save her clothes from being damaged, as she was really beautifully dressed, and I was not at all confident that I could get her garments off her without using scissors to some of them.'I see you want to know what is now going to happen to you, Alice,' I said.. ”He regarded her with some amazement, having expected her to say `never again. He asked if she still wanted the sadist as in her bucket list and her reply of “why not?” was also a surprise. She then went on to surprise him even more by saying she had been thinking along the lines of the weekend for her eventual end if he could bear it. “we need to talk and make plans anyway as I have been suffering the first twinges of the pain they predicted and I feel it must be sooner rather than later, perhaps just a fortnight at the most, though I don’t want you to end your life at the same time if you have had second thoughts!” He lay quiet for a long moment then he carefully explained his thinking on the “adventure” saying that “he had for some reason he did not understand enjoyed watching her be used and abused more than anything they had done together so far, he felt guilty about what had happened after she had been put to bed, but had not felt guilt just lust during the time it had.
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